Kelsey Grant | How Self-Acknowledgement Attracts More Love and Happiness

How Self-Acknowledgement Attracts More Love and Happiness


How Self-Acknowledgement Attracts More Love and Happiness

Posted by radicalselflove in Relationships, Self Care, Self Love 101 22 Apr 2016

Receiving appreciation, recognition and acknowledgement is an effective way to boost our self-esteem and self-confidence, the only issue for most is, the buzz is short lived.


When the internal relationship you have with yourself doesn’t match the level of acknowledgement you are receiving, our shadow likes to stomp out the validity of what has been given to us. Our ego then uses the discrepancy between how we feel on the inside vs what others see in us externally as more ammunition to bring ourselves down and drain the mini boost in self-esteem and self-confidence.


In other words the ego builds up a convincing story that we are a fraud who really isn’t worthy of the recognition, appreciation or acknowledgement. Internal dialogue such as: “Well if they only knew how I really am they wouldn’t think that” creeps in and sucks us dry of the nourishment that acknowledgement can provide.


Using Self-Love Methodology To Change


There is a practice rooted in self-love methodology I’ve developed through my coaching practice and personal practice that enables people to shift this disempowered pattern and embrace the sweetness and power that acknowledgement can bring. The practice is self-acknowledgement, self-appreciation and self-recognition.


Developing a regular practice of acknowledging yourself supports you in a few ways:


1. It helps you identify what it is you really need to hear to feel complete, worthy and valuable.


2. It helps you define your areas of genius, talent and strength by regularly bringing those strengths to your awareness.


3. It helps you boost your self-esteem instantly instead of relying on others (who may not have the same urgency to give you what you need or availability to do so when you need it), thus ensuring that your self-esteem and confidence are not dependent on anything or anyone other than you.


4. It gives you clarity on how you can teach others how you wish to be treated and acknowledged. Sometimes when others acknowledge us they do so in a way that makes sense to them but it may not fully land for you, because it wasn’t delivered in a specific way. Knowing yourself this intimately allows you to give clear directive feedback when you really need to hear something a specific way.


5. It releases your attachment to needing other people’s acknowledgements of you to sound a certain way. Adding onto the point above, when you acknowledge yourself first, you have already received EXACTLY what you need to hear, and anything additional to it is bonus. When this becomes our relationship to receiving the appreciations others wish to send our way, we can see their words from a place of pure intention, kindness and loving support- which is the underlying intention of anyone who is giving you recognition, appreciation and acknowledgement.


Knowing that this is a muscle we must build to boost our self-esteem and confidence from the inside out is one thing, actually doing it is another. Understanding how to actually give yourself acknowledgement is key to taking the action.


How To Acknowledge and Appreciate Yourself


1. Commitment is key.

You must be willing to make a commitment to yourself to be consistent with this practice. It’s not going to make much of a difference if you are inconsistent. Regular (aka daily) self-recognition is key to building up this habit within yourself, anything less than once a day is likely not going to stick.


Love yourself enough to be consistent. ~Tweet this.


2. Do it even when you don’t feel like it.

You have to be willing to stick out the practice and dig deep to acknowledge yourself even on the worst or toughest of days. This is when the practice really anchors in.


3. Keep it simple.

Keep your acknowledgements simple especially on the days you are feeling funky. On those super tough days acknowledging yourself for getting out of bed, drinking water over soda, walking to the store instead of driving, eating a salad over junk, honouring your promise to take out the garbage, making the bed, reading a couple pages of a good book, carving out time to relax, savouring a cup of tea, are all just as valid acknowledgements as the types of recognition we deem as “more valuable” such as: going to the gym (and going hard), eating all clean meals, efraining from lashing out when triggered, allowing ourselves to receive the gifts and contributions of others, standing up for ourselves, setting boundaries, balancing self-care and action, massive accomplishments or achievements (such as awards).


4. Be observant.

Notice if the way you need to hear acknowledgement changes, and if it does, what triggers the change. For example, you may need to hear something softer and more encouraging when you are feeling down, verses when you are feeling on top of your game you might need to recognize your achievements and accomplishments. Pay attention to what you need, when you need it and how you need it- for this information is imperative when it comes to having relationships with others really work.


5. Write it down.

Seriously. Get out a pen and paper, preferably a journal where you write out your acknowledgment every day. When we get triggered or our self-esteem has taken a beating, our memory is temporarily wiped of all the good and admirable qualities, accomplishments and achievements we have already generated. This of course makes these dips even more painful and hard to swallow. If you have a journal of how kick-ass you actually are, you have hard evidence to counter the false claims of the emotional flooding the ego/shadow stirs up when things go south.


6. Mirroring.

Focus on the things you would most like to hear from someone else as a way to dig in deeper to what you need at your core. Think of someone you would really like recognition and appreciation from. What exactly do you want to hear from them? The following inquiry process helps to navigate you towards the zone of self acknowledgement through the reflection of what you want from someone else:


1. Who exactly would I really like to hear acknowledgement, appreciation or recognition from? 
2. What do they represent to me? (Why are they so important to you, what qualities do you admire in them that makes their acknowledgement so influential on your self-esteem and sense of self-worth?)
3. What exactly would I like them to say? How do I need to hear it? (Specifically write down what you wish they would say). 
4. By acknowledging myself for this, in what ways am I embodying the qualities I admire in them (your answer to #2)?
5. Finish the process off by directly acknowledging yourself with this prompt: 


“I acknowledge myself for _________. Giving myself this recognition and appreciation provides me with ___________ and enables me to feel _________. I am proud of myself.”


7. Get creative.

Try on different ways of saying the acknowledgement to yourself to see what really works for you. You can focus on achievements you are proud of, accomplishments of your day, overcoming an old outdated pattern, any self-care, any practice of self-awareness, being creative, changes that you have made that increase your empowerment and confidence, acts of kindness, acts of generosity, attracting wealth, health, happiness, or a certain result in a relationship. The possibilities are endless. Only you know what you need to acknowledge yourself for each and every day. Start with one acknowledgement a day and once you are consistent with it, it will become natural to increase the amount you are appreciating yourself for.


Test out the following prompts or experiement with your own version to find a way that really aligns with your personality:


– I acknowledge myself for:
– I am proud of myself for: 
– I recognize myself for: 
– I appreciate myself for: 
– Something I secretly have admired about myself is: 
– A quality I really enjoy about myself is: 
– It feels really good to me to have achieved/accomplished:
– A commitment I kept today that made me feel good was: 
– A promise I kept today that made me feel good was: 
– I celebrate myself for honouring my body/mind/spirit today by:
– I celebrate myself for: 
– I appreciate my ability to _______ today.


Your capacity to boost your self-esteem and confidence from the inside out is a fundamental aspect to keeping all your relationships (especially the romantic variety) healthy, vibrant and enjoyable. It relieves the pressure of conditional loving and guides you towards being self-reliant in the ways you need so that you can be cooperative and collaborative with your partner in the ways that serve the relationship and it’s highest potential. Self-acknowledgement is one of the easiest ways to maintain your high self-esteem and confidence so that you not only lead with love, but create the conditions for more love to exist within the relationships you value most. A pretty great payoff for a super simple action-that’s what self-love methodology is all about.


To your greatness, xo






My Year of Love Spring class kicks off May 11th 12pm PST. There are only 5 spots remaining as I like to keep the groups pretty small, and tightly curated for optimal growth and transformation.


This online group coaching curriculum is designed for women who have either prioritized focusing on their career (at the expense of developing their relationship skills) and are ready to welcome in a kick ass partnership OR women who have put themselves second/third/fourth in the priority list after their family, career and partnership and as a result feel like they are at a breaking point and something big needs to change.


Every woman deserves to live a love filled life and have relationships that are deeply fulfilling and healthy. This curriculum provides the education, support, nurturing and community to make these essential changes to open the heart, heal over the pain of the past and move forward abundantly and powerfully in the direction of love.


If this sounds like it could be exactly what you are looking for check out the detailed info here: AYOL Application Pack or feel free to contact me directly at to set up your interview call.